I can't save the world (But I Want To)

Jumping into a big pile of freshly raked autumn leaves is one of those memories that comes with smells and sounds. The crunching leaves and that earthy musky smell that seemed to spell the coming of winter and the passing of summer.

As I was out walking my new dog Baxter you could feel the changing season it was all around us and filled every sense.

                                        Baxter

                                        
And that started me thinking of the changes I'm going through how my seasons are changing how its all around me and how it fills all me senses. Everyday its more painful and walking at times can be a real chore.

I'm finding at times I have to coax myself into getting out of bed or even to get up to walk to the bathroom, it fucking hurts! This is happening way to soon and I'm having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I will be in a wheel chair and much sooner than anyone thought.

My daily narcotic pain medication dose is still the same but I am using more cannabis and need to get a vaporizer. Going from one gram a day to two to four I can really notice how that much smoking is not good for me.

For your doubters out there cannabis works for me to control break through pain with-out needing to increase the narcotic pain medication.

Need to come to terms with this. I need to sit down and rationally look forward as best I can and make plans for how I'm going to deal with being in a wheel chair for the remainder of my life. I understand people are dealing with this also and by no means am I trying to lessen the impact on them compared to me, it sucks for all of us.

Fifty two years old and i don't feel like it even being hurt I only feel like I'm in my mid thirties. Sure there's day's when i feel old but everyone has those days and we get through them and that's what I have to do is get through the bad day's.